Stumbling for a visit

The last few days of Renaultar's recovery were stressful. They put him through all sorts of annoying 'sessions' to help him adjust and see if he could handle his now limited eye sight and that his body was working well enough to be walking around. It drove him to the point of actually being openly aggrivated with them. It took a lot to upset Renaultar and those doctors sure did everything they could to make him wish he could break their legs.

As much as it was against his wishes, the doctors would not let him go without his 'wheels'. A table like platform with four wheels for him to lay over and 'wheel' around. He was able to walk on his own, but his two casts on his legs made his limp absolutely terrible and quickly tiring. At least this would give him a way to rest while standing.

The journey to Nameless's residence was harder than he thought it would. It was so simple before, now he felt his aches coming out of every muscle in him as he scooted along the sidewalk. The embarrassing and stares he was getting were driving him mad. He wished he at least had his Guardpony barding on to hide himself, but then again, he was probably a lot more recognizable in that than how he looked now. Not many ever saw him out of armor.

He gasped once at the door. Finally, he was here. He would get to see Nameless again. He had not heard a thing from her since he was jumped and had to see if she was alright. With a knock, he rested on his 'wheels'. Getting comfortable after his long journey here. The doctor would kill him for sure if he knew he walked this far.

The door opened, letting music from inside drift out into the street. A maid pony sticks her head out of the door. She frowns at him for a good while as she tries to recognise him. She looks at Shields' 'wheels' and the gears in her mind turned. Then her face lit up in recognition.

"Oh, hello Officer!" White Woods greeted cheerfully, "I didn't recognise you for a good couple of moments there. You are wishing to speak to Nameless, am I correct? Loyal told me this might happen, so she wrote a note...just a sec." She closed the door.

After a few seconds, she returned with a slightly more sombre face. "Um... the note says thusly.

It is now apparent to me, Deputy, that you have been placed in a highly dangerous position. A position far too dangerous for a young filly such as Nameless to be associated with. Therefore, I have expressly forbidden her to converse with you, and I trust that she would follow that order. I cannot do the same with you, so what I shall do is request that you do not converse with Nameless. If you do not choose to comply, I will take that as you purposefully putting her in danger and will react accordingly. Have a swift recovery."

White looked up at the guardpony concerningly. "Um..."

Renaultar was overjoyed when the door opened. He smiled all the way up until the letter was read to him. To say he was upset would be a serious understatement. This letter felt like it just hit him harder than this entire hospital ordeal.

"...What?" He said in blunt frustration. "..Your telling me that after i give her the only walks she has probably had outside and after i come back from a 'hospital visit' that I'm dangerous?" He tried to hide his anger, but something had to break. This day was begining to get the best of him. He pushed the door open and wheeled in. "Don't mind if i come in and get a second opinion! Nameless! Are you here? Its...Renny." He said, gasping to himself, having forgot he was winded from his journey here.

"Sir, please!" White Woods pleaded, "Nameless is not here at the moment. She is out with Mr Herald and Mrs Admirer. Loyal is also accompanying them. I am obliged to ask you to..."

White stopped abruptly. She thought for three seconds before, continuing:

"I am obliged to ask you to sit down in the living room, Deputy, and make yourself comfortable while you wait for them. And also serve you tea or coffee of your own choosing. This way, please."

White escorted him to the living room.

Renaultar wanted to grumble more. He wanted to vent, but White Woods was not his target, and she was not responsible for any of this. "...Im...Sorry. It's been very hard these last few weeks." He wheeled his way in and happily got off his 'wheels' to sit on the couch. It was awkward with the casts on but it was much better than that 'thing'. "Any tea you have is fine..." He sighed. Tea would help him calm down and talk to them reasonably rather than in anger.

When White Woods came back he was looking more glum than angry. "So terribly sorry....You didn't diserve that...." He groaned. "I just want to help....And i worry about her."

"We all do," White Woods said, serving the tea, "Both of the other maids were particularly upset when they returned from your last meeting, and they say attitudes are contagious, so the household has been a miserable place ever since." She smiled a sad smile. "Despite my best efforts."

She looked out of the window, "That's why I sent them on a walk together as a family while I prepare supper for them. It's ready, and they should be coming back pretty soon."

Turning back to the guardpony, she then asked, "What happened, Deputy Shields? Why are you injured like that? Why is Nameless even more cold and emotionless now? Why did I see Loyal crying to Mrs Admirer? Why did she forbid Nameless from seeing you, her only friend outside of this place? Is it to do with the Snowflakes? I don't give a damn about those things. I just want..." She trailed off.

"I'm rambling. My deepest apologies, sir."

Renaultar was, if anything, curious, intrigued, and releived by what Woods had to say. "No, no...Its alright. I actually appreciate the rambling. Its hard enough to get words out of Loyal or Nameless..."

It came to a surprise that so much had happen. Then again he was out for a while. He looked up to Woods and pointed to his eye patch on his left. "This, along with everything else, is the result of some gang bangers trying to do me in. Nameless was there, but i had her wait far away before it happen. I was worried sick though when i didn't hear from her the entire time. I guess i know why now. I have no idea what happen since i blacked out...I thought i was dead..." He stared down at his tea cup for a few moments. "...I planned on how i would teach Nameless how to read when she visited...I had nothing else to do in that hospital..."

More silence, before he broke it with a start. "Dinner? Oh...I'm sorry. I don't know if i should be getting in the way of that..." He shifted to get up from the couch.

"No, sit down," White Woods ordered. She paused, "If you please. This sadness needs to end now. Both Loyal and Nameless need to explain what exactly happened in that ally. I think I know now, but you need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth."

At that moment, the door opened. "White Woods! We're home!" called the tired voice of Mr Herald.

"Coming, Mr Herald!" the maid replied, "Just a moment," she whispered to Shields.

She exited the room. There was a long period of time before an anguished "WHAT?" came from the hallway. Then came the arguing. And the shouting. Whilst this cacophony was occuring, a little filly walked into the living room.

"Hello, Mr- Mr-" she said.

"Hello Renny."

Renaultar's blind side was to the entrance but when he heard that voice, that sweet sweet voice, he felt his heart leap as the biggest grin he could fit on his face came to bear on her. "Nameless? Oh my dear. Im so glad your alright! I was so worried something happen to you! Thank Celestia!" he quickly tried to get up and stumbled on his legs a bit. Casts were so not fun.

"Eh, don't mind me. Just a few scratches..." He smiled, a few tears in his eye. He limped his way over to her slowly. Renaultar had the full intention of giving her a hug, somehow. Casts made it hard to bend down and give a proper one.

Nameless curtsied, then started when she realised the full extent of Shields' condition. She motioned to her eye. "I didn't realise..." she said softly.

Arguing continued from the hallway, but it was a bit quieter now.

Renaultar did his best to try and hug her. While he couldn't bend down and wrap a hoof around her, he was able to somewhat put his good leg around her shoulder and pull her close.

"Don't worry about me...I have had...well...have had bad before. Ill get over it. How about you sport? Let's take a seat and you can tell me how you have been." He kept his voice cheery and happy, but inside he was already starting to hurt from the awkward walking and was afraid he would stumble if he stood much more. And that would not do with Nameless watching.

With a slight groan of pain he hefted himself onto the couch and got comfortable again.

"I've been...fine," Nameless said, fidgeting. "I've been avoiding the more dangerous areas of the city. I didn't want to see anything like I saw that day. It was horrible."

By now, the hallway was quiet.

Closing her eyes as though in prayer, Nameless continued. "When I couldn't see you, I realised...how lonely I was. I want to meet more people like you, Renny. I want to make more friends."

She paused as the hallway emitted a bunch of intelligible whispers.

"But I also realised from that day how scary the outside world is. I don't know if I should go out there, if other ponies would do that to other ponies."

There was complete silence after that last sentence, with only the sound of a ticking clock to break it.

Renaultar was silent with her for a few moments. His smile faded. This was a side of life he wished she did not have to see. It reminded him of something from a long time ago.

A few moments later, he looked up to her again, his eye regarding her more softly. "Let me tell you a little story..." With a groan he sat up on the couch. His eye faded into the distance.

"When i was a young colt, i used to be afraid of many things, even meeting other ponies. One day i defended a filly from some bullies and got terribly beat up, but I got my cutie mark for it. The story is simple enough, but i was terrified of trying something like that again for some time. Why would you defend a pony when you have as much to lose, if not more?"

"That fillies mother wanted to thank me. She invited me to the park with her daughter. I eventually became friends with the filly, and the mother would always give me chocolate. She always had coffee with her too, and coffee always reminds me of her. I learned to love and respect my friends mother. She was so nice and helped so many ponies out. I wanted ponies to see me as someone like that. Someone that would help you and be trusted. It was her encouragements that got me to stop being so afraid."

Renaultar frowned and looked to the ground. His good eye out of view. "One day, i never saw her or her filly again....I learned later that her husband had murdered her. A clock maker he was...."

A shuddering sigh escaped him. "I don't know why a pony would do that, take away someone like that....There are some things that are just honestly cruel and evil in this world....But that is why i am who i am today." He turned to meet eyes with Nameless, his eye was short of tears, but he now wore determination. "What more reason is there to go out there and make new friends, experience new joys, and help the defenseless? No matter how much good you do, there will be evil. But you can sure make it so there is a lot more good going on. And im happy to promote it. I'm happy to put myself in harms way so that other ponies don't have to be. I want to be the pony that keeps others like the clock makers wife from having to die so needlessly....Because, in the end, if we don't go out and try to experience life, we might all just as well give up and grow old in our own lonely caves." Renaultar sighed and relaxed into the couch.

"I think, Nameless, that you have a lot more you can do with your life... I think you will want to come out."

The filly opened her mouth, but a cold, familar voice came in before hers.

"Nameless, Mr Herald and Mrs Admirer are at the dinner table."

Something Nameless nodded. "Excuse me." And then she left the room.

Loyal Prudence entered, proud and terrible. She ran cold eyes over Shields, analysing every cast and bandage, as though they were stains on a tablecloth. She spared his 'wheels' a dismissive glance. Finally, she drew breath to unleash the sharpest roasting she could muster, when she noticed the other pony in the room.

"Woods, why are you here?"

The younger maid tilted her head. "Who, me?"

There was a pause. Loyal's glare at Woods grew. "Yes. You."

"Just making sure our guest is spared from being browbeaten by a grumpy old head maid, ma'am."

"I am not-" realising she had lost her train of thought, Loyal redirected her thoughts onto Shields. "You are not going to be putting Nameless into a situation like the one that got you your injuries again, okay? I'll-"

"Yes, why don't you cut the threats, and converse like a normal civilised pony, ma'am," White Woods called cheerfully, "I hear it does wonders-"

"WOODS!" Loyal yelled, face flushed with anger, "LEAVE!"

Normally, Renaultar would be much more intimidated by Loyal. But what he said to Nameless was still carrying over in him. He regarded Loyal, giving her a similar gaze in return.

"...I wish i could promise you that no harm will ever befall her. Or that there will be bad times. Or sorrow. I can't protect her from everything...But i can promise you that i will give everything i have to see her safe, even my life if necessary. That, i can promise."

Renaultar, even though he was a bit shaken by Loyal, was confident. He spoke from the heart, and it was even louder than normal to him because he felt some connection to the little filly. There was not much that would change that, even if they were not allowed to talk.

The two maids shared a glance. Then Loyal spoke, softly, and without her usual force. "White Woods, I ask you to leave. Now, if you please."

Woods, suprisingly, complied. When she had gone, Loyal continued. "You really have no idea what's going on, do you? No guardponies were even close when you were attacked. Four of the ponies that attacked you were simple thugs, but the unicorn was a trained killer."

That had an unfortnate sore spot.

"If someone wants you dead that badly, not even I wouldn't even put a random pony on the street near you, let alone Nameless. They would have definitely killed her, and they might have done...things to her. I cannot let that happen."

Loyal breathed. "I am willing to make one concession. Only one. But I have to ask you this. Are there any other ponies who would give their lives for you?"

Confidence. Pride. Duty. The things that gave Renaultar the will to do his job and hold his ground. They suddenly were gone from him as the dots began to connect. It never occurred to him that this could have been an attack on him on a personal level.

He felt his heart sink. That changed everything. If it was true then there was a lot more to all of this. Who could he have upset so much as to...

Oh....There was that of course. Followed by my demotion...

Thoughts were racing through his head as he stared at the ground now very vulnerable and dumbstruck. No one informed him of this being a possibility. They just told him it was a random incident of hate on guardponies.

His attention snapped to the question. He barely grasped it with all the noise in his head. "For me?...I never thought about it...I have a few good friends but usually i assume i'm the one that will be doing the saving...I...never have asked to be saved."

Another line of thought began as he connected more dots. Loyal knew that this was personal, she even knew one of them was a....trained killer....

"How...did you know one was a professional? That it was personal? Were you there?" He said, his tone getting a bit more steady.

Loyal bit her lip. This is where things got dangerous. "My purpose is similar to that of a guardpony, Deputy. Part of it is to serve the household, that is true. The other part is to protect it."

"Nameless trusted me to protect her when she charged into that ally. I could not let her down. Not there. She is the reason you are alive right now. I say with complete honesty that otherwise I would have left you for dead."

"You wish to save everypony, Shields, whether you can or no, and whether they deserve it or no. I chose to preserve a little bit of the good the world has, and defend it with my all. But even I know I would be nothing without the household. They trust me with their lives, and I trust them with mine in turn. If you can't share that trust with anypony, how can I trust you with Nameless? Dying for her is not enough, Deputy Shields. You must be willing to kill for her. And I know somepony like you can never do that."

Renaultar visibly winced at her last words. There could be nothing more true. Her words could not hit him any harder. His one eye looked down and away, full of troubling thoughts.

There was a time when he needed to do just that. To kill. When someone was in need and the only solution was just that. To him, no pony deserved to die. But yet there it was.

The memory of that event was burning into his mind. It felt like the most helpless moment of his life. He just about locked up right before Loyal just thinking about it. He shuddered and shook his head to himself, feeling shame and denial for his past failure. It was so tempting for him to just beat in the couch cushion. He wanted to scream but he held his tongue.

Everything he was building up to here had come crashing down. Not because of his injuries, or even because of Loyal, but because of the simple facts. He could only go so far to protect Nameless. And there was history to prove he couldn't go that far.

He felt defeated, but he didn't want it to end there. He so badly wanted to keep trying, but the road seemed to end. Renaultar struggled to find something to say, moving his lips but not making a sound. There was nothing else to say. Head hung low, he stared into the ground. To be proud one moment, and then taken apart the next. It stung worse than his wounds.

Loyal looked at the broken pony. "Look, Deputy Shields. I know you mean well. You are a pony full of good intention. But good intentions so often lead to tragic results. That's why I asked that question. You need other ponies that can do the things you cannot do. And not only must they be willing to die for you, but they must be willing to screw their thoughts of what is right and wrong.

Nameless seems to have taken a shine to you, and even though I share none of these feelings, I know why. But she doesn't know why ponies want you dead, and she's not ready to find out about being killed for being decent. She doesn't know why I forbade her to see you, but she trusts me enough to go against what she thinks is right. I care for her enough to do things I think are wrong for her. Your sense of morality is too strong, Shields, and too widespread. If Nameless extends her trust to you...you would have to change in order to accomodate that trust."

Loyal straightened her stance. "Come back when you evaluate your life, Deputy, and if you can honestly say there are ponies that would do the unthinkable for you, and vice versa. Bringing said ponies along would be even better. Now, this way, if you please."

At first it seemed he did not hear her. A few moments went by before Renaultar hefted himself up and got onto his 'wheels'. Silently he carted to the room exit, heading to the door. He helped himself whenever he could, not wanting any more help than needed.

His whole trip was in silence. There was so much he wanted to say, to yell, but he knew that it would only backfire on him. There was nothing left to say.

Once at the door, he carted out and turned his blind side back to Loyal. "...I will return...when its safe...if it doesn't kill me. I'll see her again....If she gets upset again, give her vanilla ice cream and tell her it was from me. I don't want her sorrow to bring any of your household down."

"Will do, sir," came the reply. After guiding the guardpony out of the door, Loyal closed it and locked it shut.

"You browbeat him again," said a familar voice behind her.

"I only told him the truth, and confirmed my opinion of him. Thankfully, we only grazed the topic of my past."

White Woods looked at her elder questioningly. "Do you think he will care about that?"

Loyal turned to Woods and looked her straight in the eye. "He's a idealistic moral pony. Of course he'd care."