Apologizing to the smashee

Shala paced back and forth for what felt like hours. They probably were. She had been outside Intel's front door for too long to remember. It didn't help that she had drank some before she came over.

This is it...Have to talk to him. To tell him about that night. To apologize...

At least she had gotten over the shaking. Before she could hardly stand still without quaking with anxiety. Maybe in a bit more she would be ready. Maybe she was ready now and waiting would only mean the alcohol would wear off. She stomped her hooves in frustration before finally just banging her hooves on the front door and faced the music.

This...is going to be the worst thing ever...I'm getting terribly smashed tonight.

The main room where Intel slept was strewn with texts, notes, and diagrams. The kitchen bench was of similar condition, except it had three major documents that rested on its surface. All three were very similar. They each displayed a pony's magnum opus, their masterpiece upon the world. Each represented a major step forward in the field of magic. But as well as showing these pony pioneers of science and magic at their very best, they also showed them at their very worst.

Hurdlus' Observations between Magicks. Abstract Design's Plans for the Royal Library. Intel's very own designs for the AME.

The answer to the riddle of the AME, he realised, would take nothing less than a stroke of genius fueled by a vast knowledge of magic. Somehow, uncertainty could be combated, it was simply knowing how that was the million bit question.

Knocking on the door startled Intel from his reverie. "I'm coming!" he called, just a little annoyed. He didn't really want to see anypony at the moment, but maybe a break was what he needed. Getting up, he walked to the door with half his mind wondering what would happen if an energy sphere was contained inside a cloud.

When he opened the door and saw who was there, all thoughts of wonderful theory was displaced by pure fear. It was her. Again. His heart started beating rapidly, and every instinct in his body told him to...

RUN

"O-oh," Intel managed to say, "Hello, Shala." He hoped his trembling wasn't too noticable.

To Intel, if he took the moment to notice, Shala looked like a mess. Her mane somewhat frizzy, her eyes looked tired and now frightened. Fear filled her too, but not so much to make her want to run.

"Intel...Hello." A very nervous smile greeted him. She felt like trembling herself. Hours of practice and rehearsal she went through back at home just disappeared into nothing. He mind blanked on what to go on next.

Say something you idiot. Staring at him is just creeping him out. She noted that Intel was indeed looking rather spooked.

"Umm...Yes, uh...I just came by because, uh. Well..." Her eyes darted about in every direction that was not looking at Intel. "I want to talk about what happen at the bar!" She said a bit too loudly.

A small silent sigh escaped her but there was still a lot more ground to cover. Oh Celestia, this is going to be horrible.

Didn't I have something planned for this? $#!+, I don't remember!

"I, uh, yes! The bar! I-" Intel ran out of words to say. "...ack."

He looked around. Nopony was around, thank the goddesses. Right, try to find a beginning, and everything should fall into place.

Yeah, like that's going to-

Blocking out the voice in his head, Intel stated with a waver, "Come in. I- Don't think it's something that can be discussed out here."

He stepped out of Shala's way, allowing the mare to enter his household. If it were any other pony, he would be more concious of the state of his domain, but here it wasn't a real priority.

Shala was even more frightened now. There would be no easy way out now if she went in. And on top of that, she might find IT in there.

Shala tried to speak, but instead a fearful squeak came out. Clearly a little shakey, she took several deep breaths before being able to speak clearly.

"Umm...Can you...put away any....clocks you might have?"

Just saying the word made her wince to herself. There was no way she would force herself in when a clock could be lurking around in there. Otherwise she would feel a bit better about going in.

Intel could've smashed himself in the head. Of course she would be concerned of clocks in the house! This was, Shala, timekeeping hater of clocks extraordinaire, how could he have forgotten about that?

"Oh! Yes! Um, of course!" Intel said awkwardly, "I'll, just do that now!"

He raced back, looking for any clocks he needed to dispose of. It took a full minute until he realised two things:

1. He didn't have any clocks.
2. The reason he didn't bother was that he had a clear view of the public clock in town square from his window.

Hastily, he closed the curtains, hiding the discriminate face, relieved by the fact it didn't announce a new hour through loud noises. He surveyed his household once more. Unkempt, but definitely clock-less.

"You can come in now."

Shala hesitantly entered, her head low and scanning the tables and shelves as if a clock had somehow escaped Intel's notice. Once she felt it was safe, she immediately made herself comfortable by latching onto a seat on the couch.

More silence followed as she now looked about the room trying to think of something to say and taking note of all the books and mess.

Just blurt it out. Just say it. Worry about cleaning it up after. She told herself. It was the best plan she had, the only plan too.

"Uh, listen...About that night...I'm....uh...I..."

Sweet Celestia just say it!

"I'm sorry!" She blurted out finally. A weight lifted off her with the words. Granted there were many more weights but it was a start.

"I'm sorry about everything! I was so stupid to hit you, you could have gotten really badly hurt, you could have gotten some in your eye and be blind and i was worried sick and i cried about it and didn't want to ever hurt you! I'm a terrible pony and you deserve better!" She spewed it all out in one long string of sentences. Her eyes were beginning to tear but, but she fought the urge to blind in hopes they would dry up before they were full tears.

Intel felt really cold when he heard Shala's apology. Really cold. And very much guilty. She was feeling this bad, and I tried to delay this for far too long. Intel had never felt more wretched than he did now. He tried to find something to say, but he only knew the truth. And so...

"You are no more terrible than I," he said softly, and uncertainly, "And for what I did that evening, knowing how it affected you? I certainly didn't deserve any better, and I should've expected it." Intel wondered if he did expect it.

"If I were to say it wasn't your fault..." he considered the sentence, but there was no way he could say it sincerely. Sincerity was desperately needed here. "...it would be a lie. A nice, comfortable lie, but a lie. The truth is that the two of us plus drinking far too much..."

Intel held a hoof up to the place where Shala had hit him. "I need to say I'm sorry as well. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for causing you so much grief. I'm sorry for being such a stupid, foolish pony, and psychologically kicking you when you needed help the most. You're not a terrible pony, cause you have the guts to be right here and facing this, whilst I try to hide away in these figures and notes."

He took a couple of deep painful breaths here, looking around at the chaos of paper that surrounded them. He, too was trying not to tear up.

Intel's words releived so much in her. So much weight was lifted. No words could have made her feel better. It seemed the troubles of everything went away. No words could have done it better.

Except one set of words.

You're not a terrible pony.

Those words could not be any farther from the truth. From her truth. Memories began to bubble out into her mind. Her expression changed from sad relief to a brief rage.

"Just...Just shut up!" She yelled. From one moment she became absolutely terrifying. "You ponies and your forgiveness makes me sick! I'm a terrible pony! You don't know! You don't know what i have done..." She broke and collapsed limply onto the couch, tears in free flow. She had been so afraid of this.

"I'm...I'm sorry.." She sobbed. "I...just lost it...f-forget about it. I..." She didn't finish and tried to clean herself up. Her anger was gone, now replaced with even more depression.

After a few moments, she reached into her frazzled hair and searched before finding her small flask of emergency liquor.

Intel didn't know what to say. This wasn't his field. He didn't know what to do when a pony broke down like this. He was so afraid. Afraid of screwing this up, and making things worse. He just sat down on the couch, wondering how it could all go terribly wrong.

He watched sadly as Shala got her flask. "When I saw you drinking like there was no tomorrow, I...don't know, I wanted to make you stop. Anything to stop you doing that. Maybe I thought you destroying me was a better alternative. I still don't why I did that, why I felt that way."

Intel stared at the wall, where a diagram of a magic dampener was posted. "In a way, you are right. I don't know you very well at all. All I know is that you don't like anything to do with your cutie mark, you like drinking a little too much, and that you are quite- that you like calling me that stupid nickname."

"Maybe you've done some horrible things in the past, but that does not make you a horrible pony, since you realise this. Far more terrible is the..."

"...pony that does an evil thing and calls it good!" said the booming voice

The memory caused Intel to choke and lose his train of thought, and look down.

Shala winced at hearing that phrase again. Not a horrible pony. She wanted to lash out again at it, but resisted this time. There was some comfort in it this time, but it still panged in her the wrong way.

She heard him out, thinking on his words as she tried to stifle her tears. This was becoming more than an apology now. It was getting deeper than that and she had no idea where it could lead. It only made her suspicious. She had to ask.

"Why...do you care? That i drink?" She held the flask before her, not having sipped any yet. "It makes it easier to...cope with it all....But why would you care if i drink?" Her eyes were on him, starring at him more intensely than normal. Her gaze seemed to be challenging him for a worthy answer.

Intel shook his head helplessly. "I don't know. I honestly swear to truth, I do not know. That has been a question I've been struggling with ever since that event. Why I can't just go and leave things be." He felt extremely small under the intense gaze.

Other ponies care about you too, he wanted to say. Indigo and Icarus probably didn't like you going down that spiral. Yet his mouth wasn't able to form these particular sentences.

Run. Run far away. You can't do this. This isn't your field. She needs a pony that knows what he's doing.

She doesn't need you.

"I just...want to see you be happy and sober enough to realise that they aren't mutually exclusive," Intel said hopelessly, knowing that the answer wasn't good enough for her. But it was the only one he knew.

Shala continued to stare at Intel, dissecting him with her stare. It lasted for several long uncomfortable moments before she let out a laugh.

"Mutually exclusive? Fancy words. But i don't have much else that makes me 'happy'." With that, she took a sizable swig of her flask, quickly followed by a small coughing fit.

"...She was right though...Night Flare...We all have our 'makeup'." Her tone dropped down to more depressing levels. "We all do...You, me...Heh..." She took another swig of her flask, looking more desparate this time as she did. "Sometime...i don't even... recognize myself..."

Shala bit her lip. Hard. She felt like bursting into tears again, but she refused to let that happen again. Not in front of him again.

Intel couldn't help but huff a little at Shala's words. "It isn't fancy, it's the truth."

Alcohol never really made him happy. Sure it made him less depressed momentarily, but never happy. The amazement of watching his world in motion made him happy, the wonderment of the world around him.

"Really? Nothing else makes you happy? Really?" Intel scratched his head, "Surely there are at least some things that don't come in bottles and glasses that make life worth it?"

Night Flare again. There she was, her preaching even reaching here, and making things depressing. Celestia and Luna. He sighed and rested his head on his hoof. "Do you even remember the last time you were actually happy?"

Shala couldn't bite her lip any harder. She visibly shuddered and let a few tears fall down her cheek. There was a time she was honestly happier. Someone who loved her and took care of her.

"....I...remember....It was when my...mother was still around..." She hid her head under the cushion, faintly whimpering.

Stupid! Don't go around telling people about your past. Her face was hidden to try and hide from what she told. Right now she wished she was back at her house, maybe even have Icarus there to cry on his shoulder. He didn't ask her questions that got her this far down the hole.

"I..don't need anypony else to be happy." She said impulsively. Even somepony as socially inept as Intel would probably sense her lack of commitment to those words.

Did Intel want to smash himself in the head before? Don't be silly. Now he really wanted to smash himself in the head.

Exercising the same caution as he would with a potentially dangerous magical experiment, Intel slowly put his hoof on Shala's shoulder, fully expecting it to be slammed away violently.

This was way out of his field. He didn't even know anyone who had lost either of their parents before they were parents themselves. Even then it was rare until grandparenthood. It was something Intel hadn't even contemplated.

He didn't even know what to think until Shala made her declaration, something akin to a foal threatening to run away from home. He tried to smile.

"Just...humour me and let me be there, okay? Just in case you change your mind?"

Shala was ready to leave. She never ever wanted to remind herself of her past life. She left Manehattan just for that reason. Too many memories. Too many things that drove her crazy.

Just...clean yourself up. Get up. Say it was nothing and that none of this ever happen. Then go. Life goes back to the way it was. Easy.

Shala began to do just that. She began to wipe away her tears and do what she could to look like the blunt uninterested pony she was before. The less ponies that knew about her and her troubles, the better. But then something happen that she did not anticipate. She felt a hoof placed on her shoulder. She only counted only a few ponies that could do that and not be hit. And for the moment, she felt far from hitting anyone. Emotions began to reemerge and all the barriers began to break down again.

Biting her lip, she felt tears began to form up again. She hated herself for being so soft like this. Once she got in this kind of mood it was hard for her to get out.

His words made her want to repeat herself. To get him to stop. To hide her needs and weakness from Intel. But there was never a place for her to release here. The floodgates were breaking little by little after years of holding back.

"....Okay..." She wasn't sure when she said it or that she even had taken the time to think about saying anything. It just came out with little behind it other than impulse. She had to resist and urge to put a hoof up to meet his before a little voice in her questioned why she was resisting it in the first place.

Intel was trying not to tear up as well. His head had become a strange mixture of happiness and sadness, making him feel confused, but in a rare good way. For the first time, in quite a long time, he felt the satisfaction of being right, when things could have gone so very wrong. Yet it still felt wrong feeling just happy whilst being so close to so much grief.

He didn't want to say anything. He couldn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say that wouldn't screw things up badly. Maybe now and then he would wonder why exactly he did care; but here and now there was every reason to.

He smiled weakly, and slowly began to retract his hoof.

The moment of quiet was nice. It gave her time to calm down her emotions and sort them out. To hear the small voices that were not being herd so well. One voice she listened to closely, one that really got her interest. It seemed silly and absurd, but when she felt Intel's hoof begin to pull back, that voice grew very loud very quick.

Without much thinking, her hoof quickly took hold of his and held it there. She was tempted to turn and look him in the eye, but instead she leaned her head to the side on his hoof to rest.

Nothing she did seemed to make much sense to her anymore, it was all impulse but felt so comfortable to her. She longed for this kind of feeling, whatever it was. For that moment, her troubles didn't seem to bother her as much. As she reflected, her cheek rubbed against his hoof while she looked to the floor.

Intel, for his part, looked towards the roof, hoping against all hope that he wasn't blushing. This was something he hadn't been expecting. This was too...intimate. Too close for ease. Part of him wanted to run, but this was his place. There was nowhere to run to. There was definitely nothing to say now, Intel wouldn't have been able to articulate a single word.

Now, he was feeling something that definitely required further inspection, because it sure as the moon didn't make any sense now. 'Scary Happiness' was the best way to put it. Yeah, scary happiness.

Intel's past experience with mares has been one of...well, he regarded them much like stallions that have a signifigantly greater aesthetic appeal. In other words, ponies that looked prettier, but that was pretty much it. He was aware of romance, but in his mind that was something that happened to other ponies for reproductive purposes.

Being in a situation like this was not covered in his studies.

Shala was silent for a long while too. She could not put a hoof on what it was coming over her. All she knew right now is that she was craving this kind of interaction. None of it made sense, but she didn't feel like she was calling the shots anymore.

She looked about idly as she enjoyed the moment before her eyes met the flask still in her other hoof. Several moments passed as she looked at it, contemplating another drink from it. Maybe just one sip to help ease the moment. But to what end?

It felt like eternity, but when she lifted it up, there was a pause, before she tucked it away back in her tangled hair. Later she would have to deeply question herself on what in the world happen today.

Time to stand up now, just don't mention the 't' word.

Slowly, delicately, Intel eased himself free from Shala's grasp, despite his want to stay there. He noticed her put away the flask and thought it would have to do for now. Sure, she'd get to drinking later, sure, there are deep wounds that definitely need healing. But reconciliation had begun, and Intel thought it was a great start, especially if Shala felt as peaceful as she seemed.

"You can rest there for as long as you need to," he said, "I won't mind. I just need to clean up this house."

Horn glowing alight, a number of papers were picked up and started sorting themselves in some kind of order.

Shala knew that the moment would have to end eventually. She quietly sighed as they separated before laying flat on the couch to rest. There was so much for her to think about.

Why did that just happen? I have never done anything like that before. Did i drink that much? Am i developing an odd fetish? Am i in lo-

Her thought process stopped there for many moments before starting up again.

No no. Don't be crazy now. Your a drunk and a rough spoken pony. That would not happen. You just had too much to drink and are stressed out. Right Shala?

She took that as an explanation, but was still not entirely convinced.

Intel, meanwhile, was trying to distract himself from such thoughts by playing the solitaire game of tidying the room. Theoretically, there was a 'clean' state, but putting it into practice was another matter entirely.

His efforts were further impeded by constant glances at the pony currently resting on his couch, wondering what she would do.

Shala let her head rest on the armrest of the couch, deep in though. It was only when Intel was in her field of view that she took frequent glances at him, even catching him looking at her. Other than that, she did not say much for a long time, only enjoying the feel in the room that was set from earlier.

After some time, she figured that Intel had probably earned at least one answer from her. "...The way you react...When i call you 'Smarty McFly'...I thought you looked...cute." She looked to Intel with a carefully neutral expression, wanting to carefully analyse Intel's reaction. Perhaps to get some insight on what he is thinking is going on between them.