Dark The Pegasus
Posts : 179
Join date : 2013-05-08
Location : Probably sitting at my desk animating. ..what, you thought i would say something funny?
 |  Subject: Firewing the earth pony (ready)  Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:17 am | |
| Firewing
Gender: female
Species: earth pony
Mane: red with blue streaks
Tail: same as mane
Eyes: normal aqua
Body: neon pink
Cutie Mark: shes a blank flank!
Age: fily, about 10-11 years old
Personality: Firewing used to be a happy, brave pony who loved spending time with friends. but one day ponies started to tease her. after that she became shy and very cautious. she trys to steer clear of people.
Likes: Fire, bats, places she can be alone.
Dislikes: large groups, ice,
History: firewing USED to be a brave pony that absolutely LOVED spending time with her friends. She loved her school and everything about it. Her parents lived with her (obviously) and she loved them. she also had a pet bat. she had ALWAYS wished she was a bat herself. So one day her parents brought her bat wings. of course they were fake, but firewing pretend they were real.they were the same color as her skin, so it did look pretty real. Firewing went everywhere wearing the wings. even at school! One day Firewing's parents died in a bizzare train accident. it was lucky sugar dust went to the same school as her. sugar dust offered for firewing to go with her back to blood's house. Firewing accepted and went home with sugar dust.
Example RP segment: It is pouring rain outside. Your OC spots the light of a tavern up ahead. The tavern is filled with ponies that your OC doesn't know. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
firewing used her bat wings to cover herself as the rain poured down. oh how she hated the rain. firewing kept ducking and hiding from the rain. but no matter what she did she kept getting rained on. Firewing just had to find a place to go. Firewing looked up to see a spot of light. Firewing ran towards it. goodie, shelter! right? wrong. firewings eyes widened and ears went down as she saw the thousands of ponies in the tavern. she knew none of them. Firewing ducked down and snuck into a tavern cabinet. Firewing prayed no one would find her. a few ponies came past, but nopony saw her, luckily. Firewing let out a sigh of relief and waited for the rain to stop so she could go back outside.
[acceptance] |
Last edited by Dark The Pegasus on Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:34 am; edited 8 times in total | |
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Amber Flash
Posts : 1178
Join date : 2012-05-12
Age : 30
Location : Canada, eh
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:34 am | |
| OMG she is so cute! ^.^
But anyways, I am afraid I can not approve this app.
The one thing I cannot approved is the use of the bat wings. Unless your character is a batpony, then it is a no go. Also, the idea of the prosthetics somehow morphing to become part of the OC's body and without any explanation seems a little bit out there and farfetched.
The rp segment does seem to end rather abruptly and awkwardly, but there is technically nothing wrong with it, so it is alright.
So once this has been fixed, then your character should be ready for approval.
(Also, if you could capitalize some words, it wold make it easier to follow ^^. ) | |
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Blind Side
Posts : 870
Join date : 2012-11-29
Age : 32
Location : Canterlot
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:38 am | |
| One thing I want to point out real quick.
Your RP segment has no conclusion. it just ends in a very awkward place. I would recommend expanding on that as well. | |
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Amber Flash
Posts : 1178
Join date : 2012-05-12
Age : 30
Location : Canada, eh
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:46 am | |
| Alright, almost there. Just one thing I would like clarification on before I can approve this.
In the app it says that Firewing "Tried to use fake bat wings to fly." Why does she wear them? Why does she need them? Why is she using them to fly? How is she using them to fly? I need these clarified. Simply having "Fake bat wings" is not acceptable. | |
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Dawn Orchard
Posts : 358
Join date : 2013-04-13
Age : 26
Location : I'm right here, silly!
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 2:55 am | |
| I would like to say one last thing if I may, you probably don't have to but if you don't mind... I think you might need to add a little bit more to your dislikes and likes. I'm no mod but I'm pretty sure you cant have only two dislikes, especially since she's shy... | |
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Blind Side
Posts : 870
Join date : 2012-11-29
Age : 32
Location : Canterlot
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:02 am | |
| This app is being put on hold upon further discussion. Amber and I shall get back to you soon. | |
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Dark The Pegasus
Posts : 179
Join date : 2013-05-08
Location : Probably sitting at my desk animating. ..what, you thought i would say something funny?
| | Subject: Re: Firewing the earth pony (ready) Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:36 am | |
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