Starla Lightningburn

Subject: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 11:50 am

Starla Lightningburn
Starla Lightningburn Starla11

Gender:Mare
Species:Unicorn
Mane:Cyan and Turquoise
Tail:Cyan and Turquoise
Eyes:Cyan
Body:Brown and blue
Cutie Mark:Stars dangling on a rope
Age (Baby,adult): 16
Personality:Very shy,Elegant,Loyal to her little sister,blind,lucky,friendly
Likes:Having her little sister around,Singing
Dislikes:Doctors,Hospital,Big cities
History:Starla as a little filly was always blind,Never sure where to go..... But as her father passed away and got a little sister she always was near her since she reminded her of her father,And a few days later their mother passed away...After that Starla wasnt blind just to wear glasses her blindness took over her eyes and she couldnt see anything even if she wanted to... As a unicorn she never learned to read write or even do some spells. But she knew a spell to see the dead..(see ghosts in her mind)But the spell couldnt be casted more than once in a week so they used it carefully.Starla didnt have much friends so she would always be lonely.

Example RP segment:4. Your OC is framed by a robber who plants his weapon on her. A Guardpony threatens to take your OC into custody. Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.
The guard quickly shouts to Starla: "Halt! You are going to custody!" Starla looks at the guard. "I..I didnt do it!" The chief of the guards quickly comes to the scene. "Ahh Starla,What happend here guard?" The guard says: "This mare has robbed a bank,Chief!"Then the chief looks at Starla "Starla wouldnt do that. She is blind guard, she has surely been framed because she is to good to robb a bank." "Now go to the next part of town." The guard gallops to the next part of town leaving the scene.The Chief looks at Starla and gives her a basket full of food."Take this, your father was a good friend of my so i promised him to take care of you." Starla picks up the basket and says:"T..Thank you."

Accepted

Subject: Re: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 1:33 pm

Hello! Welcome to the Forum!

First off, I would just like to throw professionalism out the window for a second and say: OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH Another blind pony! :D

-ahem- Anyway. back to the task at hand.

The first thing that jumped out at me was the spell. I would just like a little clarification. I assume that by seeing the dead, you mean she can see ghosts? You didn't really explain that.

Secondly, the personality section is really bare. It'd be nice if you expanded on that a little.

Also, in the RP segment, I noticed that there are no quotation marks. I would appreciate it if you put those in :)

You're close! Just make those changes and I'll be happy to approve you. If you have any questions, feel free to join us in the chatbox at the bottom of the main page.

Subject: Re: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 2:51 pm

OMG I LOVE THIS OC!!

She's just awesome!

........that is all

*disappears in a cloud of dust*

Subject: Re: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:08 pm

Hehe :3 edited and i put the quotation marks (and thank you butterfly i think your OC's are awesome to! especially Belle)

Subject: Re: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:16 pm

Much better :)

Approved

Have fun :)

Subject: Re: Starla Lightningburn Sun Jun 23, 2013 3:26 pm

Well thanks Lisa!! Good luck with Starla!