I Can't Believe I'm Saying This

I don't know if it's my crappy day today or I've finally come to terms with it, but I feel unwelcome here, and I can't stay like this. 

I know you're going to tell me that I'm wrong and you all love me, but it's not true. I know it's not. Be honest with me, please. All this change and chaos has driven a wedge between me and the site.

It's not any of your faults in particular. It's really mine. You all are so loving and accepting, calm and cool, and I feel like this hurricane, barging in on happiness and serenity and making people direct their doubts towards me. I have many faults, and I accept that, and it seems you all do as well, but deep down I know you really don't. I can't have a conversation in the chatbox without feeling either ignored, unwanted, or irrelevant. I watch my old friends here get more mature and wiser, ascending higher into the respect of the newer members, and here I am, feeling either shoved to the corner or too, I don't know, confused, maybe, to really join in like I used to do.

I feel like my persona OC is dying out. Maybe it's because her adoptive son is no longer a part of the site, or he husband's a cross dresser, or Brawny just became Asha. There's nothing wrong with that, Asha, if you're reading this, but it's as if she no longer has a reason to live. I cannot make her disappear, because she is me. It would mean making me disappear. Cloud Dancer's coltfriend left the site. She has no friends. Erika will never fit in. Nikki dies with her mother. Rosella is broken. Amina is leaving Equestria soon. None of my OC's have cause to live on, here, and it breaks my heart that these parts of myself are fading away, not to mention I've lost my motivation for role playing.

It's time for me to take a break. I don't know for how long. It could be a week, it could be a month, it could be a year, and it could be forever. Please don't feel bad. It's really just my fault for letting you down. I feel like I'm drifting away from all my old friends here, like I really am no longer welcome, but maybe it's just my own mind telling me I'm not. 

Goodbye, ponies. I'll still draw all your requests, because that's something I truly enjoy, but I'm dropping out of all the threads I'm currently in, which is really just the Rosie x Blindsight thread, Kingdoms, and The Unseen Darkness. You ponies have been so good to me, and I'm going to miss you so much.  

I'm on Steam and Skype, but both are not places I visit often. Those accounts are Calla Lily (try snowmassgirl if that doesn't work) and CallaLilyMLP. If you really want to chat, PM me, and I'll give you my email. You can also find me at http://www.bookrix.com/-snowmassgirl/ , and my YouTube account is CelesteCullinan. FIMFiction is also Calla Lily, and DeviantART is snowmassgirl. For those of you who are working on Laska with me, I'm not stopping that, and your help is loved and appreciated. 

Please don't be mad or sad. I'll only cry harder. And don't say you'll wait for me, or be there for me, because I don't want to be missed in case I do not return. It would just hurt all the more. If that's too hard, then just consider it an extended vacation. 

Just watch me be back in a week. If not, I've found the strength to grow up, move on, and get over my grief. 

With all my love,

Calla Lily (Hannah)

.... Ok Calla. We'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.

When you come back, I hope we all welcome you with open hooves.

Oh, that's a real shame.

Although I'm still working with you on Laska, it won't be the same not having you around.

You're still awesome. Proceed.

We can't force you to stay. What you do is your own choice. Hope you find what you're missing here.

Calla, you been such an amazing fellow member, writer, and friend.

I really want to go on about how all of us love you, and you're defenitley not some sort of "hurricane", but I know that'll just make it harder for you.

I understand if you want to leave, as nothing lasts forever, just please don't feel like we aren't accepting you. We love you (in a totally platonic way). All of us do.

If you aren't coming back, I hope we can still be in touch.

~Sunny.

Calla Lilly, you don't have to stay, but you also don't have to leave. I'm sure we can make amends and make sure you feel included. I hope you understand that the exclusion you feel is not intended.

It probably took a lot of guts for you to come out and say this. I admire that.

Calla!!! I'm sorry you feel that way, and I wish you wouldn't leave. You're the one who introduced me to this site, and I only really feel at home here when you're on.

I forced you to watch the show, and in turn, once you loved mlp, you forced me to join this site. (And then I got addicted >.<) But still, I hope you don't leave forever because that would be sad. I'm sure I can convince you to come back every once in a while xD

With love,
~Butterfly (Mona)

*huggles Calla*

I'm not going to say that I won't be sad to see you go. What I will say is that if you want to go then go. That my only advice for you.

Wishing you to find what you seek,
~Flutters~

Yeah, I couldn't stay away from you freaks for too long!

I accomplished many things in my absence. I won a Nobel Prize, I discovered the cure for cancer, and I invented time travel. Alas, I abandoned it all to rejoin a site about cartoon ponies. That should say a lot, guys!

Anyways, I'll see if I can get back into the routine, but for now, I'll be hanging around.

YAAY! Welcome backsies!

NIKKI! *Tackle huggles aforementioned filly.*

YAY CALLA!!!

*glomps Calla*

YAY! Calla's back! Brawny needed somepony to keep his flank in check. And Nikki likes having a mommy. And time travel is scary. And I solved cancer because I'm the president!

Good to see that you're back, Calla (Even though I didn't really have enough time to fully acknowledge your absence)!

WELCOME BACK!

Yaay welcome back, Calla, Rosella!

*Dances around with happiness of your return*