toocute4ux3
Posts : 107 Join date : 2013-05-02 Age : 30 Location : Ponyville
| Subject: Nicole Fri Aug 16, 2013 6:45 am | |
| Name: Nicole Gender: Female Species: Unicorn Mane: Pink with light blue streaks Tail: (same as Mane) Eyes: Yellow Body: Orange Fur Cutie Mark: N/A Age: Mare (21) Personality: Outgoing, Bashful, Insensitive Likes: Cookies, Bucking, Levitating things, Rubies Dislikes: Apologizing, being dishonest, hurting her friends, not getting her beauty sleep. History: Nicole was born in Canterlot with her mother, but her father was a jerk who bailed when she was a foal. Her mother had barely been able to provide for her so as soon as they had the chance, Nicole was sent to live with her cousin Moonshine in Ponyville. Although she has no cutie mark, she has amazing magic skills, doing very advanced spells at an early age. Nicole also does her fair amount of studying, but not enough to call herself a bookmare. Example RP segment: Nicole walked slowly towards her locker at camp. When she opened it, a letter was stashed inside saying: Nicole... You are very cute and beautiful and I- I love you. From secret admirer. Moonshine blushed heavily and thought, " Wow, somepony likes me!" Squealing, she saw her friend Thunderdash and when she looked at him, he blushed hard. " Hey uhh.. Nicole... I'm the one who wrote that letter, and I love you" he said, kissing her on the lips. Nicole awoke and groggily got out of bed. Realizing it was a dream, she started to smile and stare into the sky, knowing that somepony would like or love her... [Acceptance] | |
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Fireseeker
Posts : 1471 Join date : 2012-07-28 Location : United Kingdom
| Subject: Re: Nicole Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:34 pm | |
| Please add more to the personalty, as three words is nowhere near enough. Try to explain the character rather than list traits. The history could also do with being longer. Perhaps talk about how so coped with life as a filly, and what she does at the moment, maybe a job or just general activities.
Also, your RP segment could do with better paragraphing and spacing. | |
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toocute4ux3
Posts : 107 Join date : 2013-05-02 Age : 30 Location : Ponyville
| Subject: Re: Nicole Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:37 pm | |
| It was kind of rushed, I may take a while before editing it though... ig thats ok.
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