OC application

Techno

Gender Male
Species: Earth Pony
Mane: Black, short mane
Tail: Black, short tail
Eyes: Blue
Body: Grey, execpt fpr hos right forehoof which is a wooden prosthetic
Cutie Mark: A screw and wrench crossed over with a lighting bolt in the center
Age: Adult
Personality:Fatherly, Kind, smart, calm unless pushed too far though sometimes he does miss things. He also has nightmares quite a lot thus making him have irregular sleeping patterns.
Likes: Inventing, his son, friends
Dislikes: His past, his failures in said past, bullies/jerks, nightmares
History: (This is kinda long but here is an outline.) He was born in Manehatten. He grew up in a normal family, well mostly normal, his brother, Positive Charge, had Multiple personailty disorder and it got so bad that he went insane and killed his and Techno's father before fleeing. This effected Techno a lot. But he was able to mostly move on. It also helped that he met a mare who would later become his wife, Crowning Jewels.

After getting married they moved to Ponyvile and had a child, Gears. But this was not to last as my of Techno's inventions went out of control and his house was burned down...With Jewels inside....the death of his wife hit him hard and over a period of 5 years he grieved. With the help of his friends though he started to live again and now he lives as a single father to Gears.

Example RP segment: (A colt is bullying a filly in the Manehattan street. When your OC looks to him, he turns to your OC and snaps, "What're you looking at?" Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.)

Techno blinks at the rude child and frowns slightly. "Does his mother know her colt is being this rude?" He thought to himself. He of course couldn't let this go on so the Inventor took a few steps closer. "Son...stop or I'll tell your parents what you are doing..." He had a calm expression as he stared down the colt with disappointment in his eyes. He didn't expect the colt to curse him telling him that he doesn't know who looked after the colt. "This maybe true...but I can ask around...you do realise ponies are starting to notice...right?" Once the bully looked aorund then ran away he trots up to the filly and gently took her hoof. "come...I'll help you find your parents." he says as they walk off together.

Hello and welcome to the forum! I'm your friendly neighborhood admin, Doodle Bug! Your app looks good but I found a few things that might be iffy for other players, such as:

1. Could you space out and separate everything, such as personality and history? ^^ It makes it tons easier for an onlooker to read!

2. The first thing I see is that you've just put (adult) But in what age range is he?

3. His personality is away too short! It needs to be at least five lines of text so some things you could fill it with are things like how he reacts when faced with each like and dislike, how he felt when growing up where he did with the parents/siblings, did they fight a lot?

4. The likes need at least two more ^^

5. In the history, how did he meet Crowning Jewels? What was her job? You've said he'd grown up in Manhattan but what side? Was it easy to live in a city like that?

6. In the history, I also see the word "my" in place of the word "many" after the first paragraph.

7. You're missing the special word at the very bottom which can be found in the rules :P

But other than those few things, it really looks great!!

Ok I shall change it now

Techno

Gender Male

Species: Earth Pony

Mane: Black, short mane

Tail: Black, short tail

Eyes: Blue

Body: Grey, execpt for his right forehoof which is a wooden prosthetic

Cutie Mark: A screw and wrench
crossed over with a lighting bolt in the center

Age: Adult (around 25-27 age range)

Personality:Fatherly, Kind, smart, calm unless pushed too far though sometimes he does miss things. He also has nightmares quite a lot thus making him have irregular sleeping patterns. He's otherwise friendly as he could be despite feling very sad on the inside over what happened to Jewels.


Likes: Inventing, his son, friends, family, tea and pancakes.

Dislikes: His past, his failures in said past, bullies/jerks, nightmares, slavery, his brother.

History: (This is kinda long but here is an outline.) He was born in Manehatten. He grew up in a normal family, well mostly normal, his brother, Positive Charge, had Multiple personailty disorder and it got so bad that he went insane and killed his and Techno's father before fleeing. This effected Techno a lot. But he was able to mostly move on. It also helped that he met a mare who would later become his wife, Crowning Jewels, after looking for jewelry for his mother. Turns out Jewels solf jewelry and they started to hit it off.

After getting married they moved to Ponyvile and had a child, Gears. But this was not to last as my of Techno's inventions went out of control and his house was burned down...With Jewels inside....the death of his wife hit him hard and over a period of 5 years he grieved. With the help of his friends though he started to live again and now he lives as a single father to Gears.

Example RP segment: (A colt is bullying a filly in the Manehattan street. When your OC looks to him, he turns to your OC and snaps, "What're you looking at?" Given your OC’s personality, compose a brief narrative in which your OC identifies and addresses the situation.)

Techno blinks at the rude child and frowns slightly. "Does his mother know her colt is being this rude?" He thought to himself. He of course couldn't let this go on so the Inventor took a few steps closer. "Son...stop or I'll tell your parents what you are doing..." He had a calm expression as he stared down the colt with disappointment in his eyes. He didn't expect the colt to curse him telling him that he doesn't know who looked after the colt. "This maybe true...but I can ask around...you do realise ponies are starting to notice...right?" Once the bully looked aorund then ran away he trots up to the filly and gently took her hoof. "come...I'll help you find your parents." he says as they walk off together.


Acceptance)

Also permission to have more then one OC?

We usually only let a person who's just finished their first Oc get it acquainted with other Oc's and 'break it in' a bit. Alright, Accepted!

Thank you :)

You're welcome!! Welcome to the site!