my oc

trik port(but he prefers tel)


Gender:Male.

Species:unicorn(with Pegasus parents)

Mane:light blue, short-ish and pushed to the side.

Tail:light blue.

Eyes:purple.

Body:short-ish, dark blue.

Cutie Mark:a line with wings and nether-portal-type particals around that goes from A to B.

Age (Baby,adult):young adult.

Personality: Fun/annoying, smart, loyal, short tempered, kind, a risk-taker, doesn't care for rules if he can't see the reason behind them, a bit of a show off if you inflate his ego enough.

Likes:spicy food(will put RAINBOW on stuff), flying, teleporting, racing.

Dislikes:bullies, baing told he can't do something, being trapped.

History:Trik was born in cloudsdale, which, as a unicorn, was problematic. he had to get a cloud walking spell put on him every day until he learned to do it himself, however he was not interested in that. he always wanted to fly, and when he went to school this want only increased when he had to sit out during most gym classes. when the class was flying, trik was in either the computer lab, looking at prosthetic wings, or, when he was old enough, in the shop making something he called "project: wonderbolt" one day he finally finished it and went to class with it. when the teacher told him to sit down he smirked and showed him his project: an steampunk-esqu exo-suit with prosthetic wings that he could use to fly. he put it on and flew right past his classmates... until he flew through a storm cloud and got hit with lightning. the suit shorted out and trik started falling. this caused him to panic and... teleport. when he took off his armour he found he had his cutie-mark. he then went on to train and see if he could be the first unicorn member of the wonderbolts.

(from the bully scene)Tel frowned and said "a colt who should apologize to this little filly" "or what" the colt replied. Tel flew towards the bully, picked him up and flew him into the air. "this is why" he said, letting the bully fall for a minute before catching him. "go back home kid." then he turned to the filly, asked her home was, and flew her there.

acceptance

Interesting unicorn. Just a few points to suggest to help with approval.

It would be nice to see the personality expanded more (how Malakhi acts to others and in private, perhaps how they have changed over time, etc)

One thing with the history is the level of technology in Equestria is quite primitive. An electronic exo-suit would be exceeding that. However, something more like a Steampunk, clockwork wing suit would be acceptable.

Another thing is that teleporting is quite powerful magic, so a unicorn's special talent would have to be in magic in order for them to cast it. I would suggest removing the teleportation aspects from the app.

Just be sure to check over the grammar as well (spacing, punctuation, capital letters) s your app is as good as it can be.

And finally, re-check the rules for the special little password to include in your app ;)

1.I can show that in roleplaying
2. the exo-suit has no real purpose other than to look cool and keep his wings on him
3."most unicorns only have a little magic that corresponds to their special talent" his special talent involves teleportation

Alright, teleportation aspect makes sense :)

I'd say if there's not much significance to the exo-suit than for the wings functionality, there's no harm to the character to change it to be more like a Steampunk/clockwork device that he can operates.

Also, tidying up the app a little with punctuation would be great

Apologies, I forgot about something. You'll need to choose from the one of the role-play scenarios and write out an example post.

Here's the list of scenarios to select from:
https://mlp-fim-oc-rp.rpg-board.net/t2-pony-creation-template#10440

Tel frowned and said "a colt who should apologize to this little filly" "or what" the colt replied. Tel flew towards the bully, picked him up and flew him into the air. "this is why" he said, letting the bully fall for a minute before catching him. "go back home kid." then he turned to the filly, asked her home was, and flew her there.

Approved