Poker Night at the Household Dialogs

Loyal: I hope you realise that the chips your hooves are marehandling have caressed by ponies from all works of life, from killers to kings, soldiers to scholars, princesses to ponies that are not of this world. That said, the cards are burned after each tournament so that each evening has a completely fresh deck.

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My Characters

Intelligent Design

Bounty Item - Schematics to the AME
Intel: Here we are!
Loyal: As the rest of us have chosen not to throw our lives away in the pursuit of things most ponies don't understand, much less actually care about, I feel compared to ask, what is that?
Intel: These are schematics to the next big thing. The AME. The Ambient Magic Engine. This little work of science has the potential to make coal power a distant memory.
Loyal: And coal power's not a distant memory because...?
Intel: *laughs nervously* Well, in it's current form, it has the slight possibility of completely annihilating everything in a 50-km radius, and rendering the area unlivable for years.
-beat-
Loyal:...the pony to eliminate Lord Design will receive the blueprints to his weapon of mass destruction.

'Call my bet!'

• As you sit there, trying work out probabilities and such, realise that you are up against a genius level intellect that has already worked out how uncomfortable you must be feeling at the moment.
  
• Assessing my situation, it doesn't matter what you do. I've already won, it's just a question of how many bits you're going to give me before you realise this.
  

'Call their bet!'

• Ooh, now this is getting interesting.
  

Thinking

• Let's consider the possibilities...
  
• Is this reward worth the risk?
  
• Sadly, going by my gut is an unthinkable tactic for one who is deeply entrenched with probability functions.
  
• Is it worth using a binomial simplification? Or am I stuck with hypergeometry?
  
• Come on Intel. Degree in Transfiguration, remember?
  

Other pony bets

• Making the round more interesting? I approve.
  
• Well, it had to happen sometime.
  
• Better than a check, at any rate.
  

Small Bet

• This is so you don't run away.
  
• Let's make this a little bit more interesting than it currently is.
  
• A bet like this could be called pathetic, but usually by ponies who fall for it, so I'm okay with that.
  

Large Bet

• Feeling a little OCD at the moment, so I'm going to reorganise my chips...like so.
  
• *Laughs evilly*
  
• This is an stress experiment to see if your material can handle...pressure.
  

Other pony raises

• So you want throw away even more money? If you wish.
  
• Now you're pushing it.
  
• Huh. That was a move I did not anticipate.
  

Raises

• That bet is too small to have an acceptable margin of error. Let's correct that, shall we?
  
• If we're going to be betting let's make it actually count for something, okay?
  
• The reward parameters for this round need some adjustment.
  

Other pony checks

• That was expected. Thus boring.
  

Checks

• The parameters for this trial are satisfactory.
  
• Oh, nopony's going to bet? Well, okay.
  
• This works. This works.
  

Other pony calls.

• Oh, I like you. The kind of pony that sticks around whilst the others run for their lives.
  
• Good for you, not letting mean ponies bully you into folding.
  
• Thank you for your donation in keeping this round alive.
  

Calling a small bet

• You weren't expecting to actually make me fold with something like that, were you...
  
• The loss parameters are acceptable. Call.
  
• Ah, that bet can be counted well within error margins.
  

Calling a big bet.

• Confident, aren't we? That makes two of us.
  
• Heh, this is too interesting to bow out now.
  
• Hnnn...I can't resist. Call.
  

Other pony goes all in.

• Wooh, not going gently, I see.
  
• That is both interesting and a little distressing.
  

All in.

• I've sooo got this. All in.
  
• This all in is an act of complete desperation. Means you should totally call my bluff. Go on, knock me out. What could possibly go wrong?
  
• *Laughs evilly* I'M ALL IN! *Laughs even more*
  

Folds

• There is no way I can win with this.
  
• Even if the whole deck was put into community, I'd make nothing of value.
  
• Not worth it. So not worth it
  

Folding streak

• Celestia damn you, laws of probability.
  
• Come on, Loyal, give me something!
  Loyal:Anything?
  As in hole cards. And nothing that will result in me dying.
  
• It's runs like these that drive desperate ponies to pathetic superstitions. Like charms, lucky numbers, and praying to a benevolent higher power.
  

Intimidated to fold

• Ellie says that my sense of self-preservation is nonexistent. So why am I folding?
  
• Aborting this experiment before it collapses into a resonance cascade.
  
• You guys have fun ripping each other to shreds. I'll be recording it for posterity.
  

0% chance of winning before the river

• Well, only a quantum glitch in the fabric in reality can save me now..
  

Winning

• Though I knew that was the probable outcome, it doesn't make me any less happy.
  
• Take that, doubters of mathematics!
  
• The numbers are with me, it seems.
  

Wins through the others folding.

• Yes! I mean, oh no, I pushed too hard!
  
• No! I mean, haha, you totally fell my bluff!
  
• That's it, walk away. It's your loss.
  

After a losing run.

• Thank you, probability.
  

Eliminated

• Well, that didn't go to plan.
  
• Ahah...damn.
  
• That's an experience that'll sting for a long time.
  

Losing bounty

• Well done. Of course, you're going to need a degree in higher magic to use that, but I'm sure you'll find away without losing half your limbs.
  

Winning the tournament

• This money is going directly to science! Some real good has been done today, ponies!