Two Birds with One Stone (OPEN)

Solomon "Solemn" Pheonix sat delicately on a rock overlooking a pretty lake. The lake was by no means beautiful, very few things in this city were, but it also wasn't silty and detritus filled, like everything else in this city. The balance was what drew Pheonix to draw it.

Needless to say, She did not care for Manehattan.

Solomon was almost entirely white today, having just come from a event on the more glamorous side of town, she wore her white frock coat with the blue lining, a matching white vest, and a royal blue cravat that matched the lining on her coat and vest.

The griffin was peculiar, as far as griffins go, everything about her exuded quiet. Not just the lack of noise, but the very idea of quietness could easily be personified in the bird. Her white feathers shivered slightly in the cold, but she didn't appear to mind. She didn't appear to mind much of anything.

Even the annoying ruffian next to her.

"Say, thas a nice ring ya got there, Y'see? Thas real ruby, ain't it?" the stallion said.

"Glass." Solemn stated, softly.

"Looks real."

"No."

"You look a'little dressed up for glass rings, Birdie."

"Glass, as I say." She said as she returned to her sketching. The stallion sat next to her and stared at the talon-ring.

Mr. Nosy did not seem particularly keen on leaving her alone.

"That was indeed an interesting soiree, was it not, White Woods?"

"It was indeed, mistress."

"A pity that my husband and your colleagues couldn't attend."

"They are really quite busy with their work, mistress."

"I know they don't have time to attend what are essentially excuses to show off status, it's just a shame that they don't, that's all..."

Mrs. Crystal Admirer usually had her personal maid, White Woods, to have conversations with. Her husband was too tired, Nameless was too quiet, and Loyal was too...her.

But White Woods was a terrific conversation partner, if a bit too agreeable at times.

"Say, wasn't that griffin at the soiree as well?"

"I believe so, mistress. The stallion with her, however, was decidedly not. Should we intervene?"

"Only if needed, Woods. No sense interfering in matters that don't need interference. Being a witness usually heads off most trouble."

"I guarantee you, sir, that I have no valuable but the clothes on my back." Pheonix explained.

This was quite true, Mr. Nosy had made the error of thinking that Solemn was of the upper crust. This would be incorrect. Solomon Pheonix was an artist, and as an occupational requirement, always poor. However: Her experience with said upper crust greatly benefited her in some cases. Like, for example, being able to be employed to draw portraits at a social gathering of some of the most powerful mares and stallions of Equestria.

"Then ya won't mind If I take them off your hooves? Uh. Talons?"

And became quite the burden in other situations, like this one here. Mr. Nosy's mouth spread into a snaggletoothed grin, and Pheonix silently set her sketchbook to the side.

"Ah think yous lying about that ring there. I think that ruby would fetch a pretty penny." The stallion reached into a pocket in his bulky coat and withdrew something, but Pheonix could not tell what it was

The griffin sat perfectly still, gazing with glazed eyes at her robber. "Then you'll be very disappointed."

There was a click, and the shine of a knife protruded from Mr.Nosy's hoof. "Yeah, well, that's a problem for past me. Gimme the ring and your coat."

Solomon's head slowly turned until her aqua blue eyes stared straight ahead. A very similar situation flashed in her memory.

"No." She blinked once.

"I'll cut you, I'll do it."

"Fine."

"Wha-"

"It would be useless to tell you why, but I cannot let you have either my coat nor my ring."

The stallion snorted, brandishing the knife. "A fight's what you w-"

"No."

Mr. Nosy dropped to the floor like a pouty child. "But Why?"

"Because I don't want to!" The griffin retorted, a edge rising in her voice.

"Screw this, I'd rather just kill you." The stallion rose up and grabbed the griffin by the collar roughly. Solomon made no attempt to resist. "You're probably crazy anyway." the stallion glowered.

The lady in the simple dress and the wide hat watched the scene with an almost amused expression.

"I say, when I was promised dinner and a show this evening, I expected the show to actually be at the dinner."

She started trotting towards the scene, her maid following right beside her.

"Not a fan of the 'Ponyville Professional Partier', mistress?"

"Fourth wall humour is rather old hat, White Woods, a mugger being confused by his victim is more to my tastes."

"Ah. Traditional Manehatten humour."

"Quite. Canterlot has let itself go when it comes to entertainment." She clicked her tongue as they drew close. "A interesting hold the stallion has got the griffin in, White Woods."

"Grappling is difficult with hooves, mistress."

"I can see. The griffin does not seem to be struggling however."

"Maybe this is one of those hire jobs? Pay to get kidnapped and rescued for the thrill?"

"Probably not. The griffin was brought in as a curiosity, after all, and her attire only looks valuable to the untrained eye. She'd not have the funds to pay for such extravagances. Hello sir!"

Crystal smiled at the reaction of the stallion and griffin. "An interesting specimen of the griffon species you seem to have, sir. May I buy it off you?"

"An interesting specimen of the griffon species you seem to have, sir. May I buy it off you?"

"Huh?" the stallion, knife poised, gaped at the two approaching. "Uh. I mean. Mind you're own business!" He snapped, jabbing the knife in the air at the Missus and the Maid. the knife slipped out of his hooves and landed on the ground. The stallion looked at the griffin in his grip, then the two ponies, then back at his captive, almost pitifully.

"By all means." The griffin nodded at the knife.

Mr. Nosy released the bird, then gingerly picked up his switchblade. Solomon dutifully waited by his side.

Mr. Nosy was not a smart stallion, but the extra few seconds gave him time to process what these (obviously richer than the featherbag) ponies were saying. Apropos to his name, Mr. Nosy smelled money.

"Say, How much ya want for im?" He challenged.

"Her." Solomon helpfully corrected.

"Ah sed that."

"Sorry."

"Hmm..." Crystal said, bringing an appraising hoof to her chin, "It's a bit damaged, and the glass jewel isn't great...10 bits."

It was an insultingly cheap amount, but it was the kind that invited haggling. There was really no fixed price on buying other species, since trade in such things was slavery and thus illegal, but that didn't stop those with money and lack of morals from doing so anyway.

As the mare was negotiating prices, the maid had disappeared.

"It's a bit damaged, and the glass jewel isn't great..." The stallion's face scrunched, displeased.

"10 bits."

Solemn sighed silently, shaking her head.

"Whaaat!" (somehow) Mr. Nosy's face contorted even more. He had nicely threatening anger. Frothy.

"Ten Bits? for this beauty? Naw. The bird aint damaged at all, maybe a little scrawny but them griffins is strong too. an I'll even throw these fancy duds in. Fifty bits, [i]at least[/i.]"

He didn't appear to notice the missing maid, but Phoenix certainly did. She craned her neck about, but couldn't see very well, so her brilliant blue eyes settled on the dirt road. A few scenario's played through her head, most ending with a knife in her ribs.

She briefly thought of a certain scoundrel.

"Rawk! Pieces of Fate!" A cockatiel sat on a tree a few meters away, chiming in. The griffin didn't pay it much heed, but the jumpy stallion almost ended poor Phoenix's life, letting out a little screech. He whipped his head about wildly.

"You make that noise, Feathers?"

"No sir." Phoenix replied, flatly.

"No noise!"

"Of course."

The stallion snapped up to glare at his customer. "100 bits and ye get the ruby ring too."

"It's" Phoenix started. "It's glass." She whispered.

"My profession is valuable stones and crystals, sir, so I ask you to not insult me by trying to pass something that doesn't even pass for rhinestone as rubies."

White Woods kept herself from swearing. The bird thing almost gave the game away. She did not have the same experience of Loyal, or the pure talent of Nameless (to the point that she suspected it was the filly's calling) of simply not being noticed. However, living and working with those two for years, meant that she'd picked up a couple of tricks.

She was also the best at actual maid duties, as well.

"And it seems that the griffin is more a hindrance to yourself than an asset. So technically, I'm doing a service by taking her off your hooves."

It seemed that Mistress Admirer did not mind the bird, so White Woods proceeded to get to the right spot and...

"But if you so insist, I will change my offer to...hmm...let's see...twenty-five bits?"

THONK

"Or a swift blow to the back of the head. Good show, White Woods. You were always good with a frying pan, I always thought. Where did you keep it, by the way?"

"Trade secret," White Woods managed to say with a pan handle in her mouth, letting her unfortunate victim to the ground.

"Oh well. As I am not a part of your trade, I suppose I am not privy to your secrets. Good thing you came in when you did, though. I was almost privy to slave trade, something I abhor quite highly."

"Yes mistress."

"Oh, don't give me that look, Woods. I hire your services. I do not own you."

"Of course, mistress. Shall I check if the griffin is okay?"

Admirer gave a mock huff. "Oh very well. If you must."

Rolling her eyes, Woods turned to the griffin. "Are you okay, or did we interfere at an inopportune time?"

"My profession is valuable stones and crystals, sir, so I ask you to not insult me by trying to pass something that doesn't even pass for rhinestone as rubies."

"Whatdya mean it doesn't..." The stallion grew quiet, and Phoenix gazed sadly at the ring on her talon. What trouble it had gotten her into.

"And it seems that the griffin is more a hindrance to yourself than an asset. So technically, I'm doing a service by taking her off your hooves.But if you so insist, I will change my offer to...hmm...let's see...twenty-five bits?"

THONK

Phoenix fell to the ground as the stallion holding her dropped harder than a bowling ball. she looked up at the maid and the menacing pan. The looked to the ground, where she found his knife had stuck into the dirt in front of her.

"Or a swift blow to the back of the head. Good show, White Woods. You were always good with a frying pan, I always thought. Where did you keep it, by the way?"

"Trade secret,"

The griffin crawled over to the bench, away away away from the knife where her sketchbook lay, the picturesque pond unfinished. She was breathing heavily, rapidly.

"Oh well. As I am not a part of your trade, I suppose I am not privy to your secrets. Good thing you came in when you did, though. I was almost privy to slave trade, something I abhor quite highly."


"Yes mistress."

Solomon Pheonix clutched the weathered book to her breast, and instantly started to breathe slower.

"Oh, don't give me that look, Woods. I hire your services. I do not own you."

"Of course, mistress. Shall I check if the griffin is okay?"

Admirer gave a mock huff. "Oh very well. If you must."


Pheonix took exactly three very deep breathes, and stared at the Master and her Servant.

"Pretty bird! Pretty bird!" The cockatiel in the tree parroted.

Did she recognize that bird? She didn't think on it, but she knew exactly who's bird it was. They weren't so much a mare, more a young Leopard with steely eyes.

"Are you okay, or did we interfere at an inopportune time?"

"I'm fine. I apologize for the inconvenience." She locked gaze with the ground. "I hope it wasn't too much trouble." Although she was visibly more relaxed, she still clutched her book tightly.

"Not really," Crystal Admirer said jovially, "It was more entertaining than anything. Nothing like a spot of community service to brighten a walk."

She motioned at the griffin. "You were at the soiree, weren't you?"

Meanwhile, White Woods glared at the bird, wondering what it was, where it came from, and why did it talk.

The cockatiel craned its neck and hopped on the branch, blinking at the funny dressed pony with one beady black eye.
"Hawk from a Handsaw! RAWK!" it crowed. "Odds Bobs Hammers and Tongs!"

Solomon's eyes flitted to the bird in the tree and back to her ambiguous savior. Anyone who helped because it was 'entertaining' was to be suspect. Especially the rich ones.

"You were at the soiree, weren't you?"

"I was, Madame." the griffin was rigid as she returned her gaze to it's comfortable spot on the ground. "I was painting portraits for the patrons." she lightly lifted her sketchbook briefly in explanation.

"Dear, I do know this is not the most formal of settings, but I do prefer to have eye contact with my conversation partners. Averted gazes make me feel uncomfortable," Admirer gently chided, never once losing her light tone, "By the way, White Woods, please stop teasing the parrot."

"I am not sure if it is a parrot, Mistress."

"It is a bird and it says predetermined phrases, Woods. I think it's a parrot. Probably somepony's pet that he or she got bored with and abandoned. Not our concern. What is our concern is to treat our semi-feathered friend to tea, coffee, or any beverage of her choice."

Woods poked the would-be thief. "And him, mistress?"

Admirer shrugged. "Unless you feel like dragging him to the nearest soup kitchen, I don't see any way to deal with him apart from letting him sleep it off."

"Dear, I do know this is not the most formal of settings, but I do prefer to have eye contact with my conversation partners. Averted gazes make me feel uncomfortable,"

"Yes Madame." Reluctantly obeying, Pheonix brought her brilliant blue eyes up to the aristocrat.

"I am not sure if it is a parrot, Mistress."

"RAWK!" The cockatiel agreed.

"It is a bird and it says predetermined phrases, Woods. I think it's a parrot. Probably somepony's pet that he or she got bored with and abandoned. Not our concern. What is our concern is to treat our semi-feathered friend to tea, coffee, or any beverage of her choice."


Solemn blinked, surprised at the sudden generosity. Her eyes again briefly hovered on the cockatiel. "I wouldn't want to impose." She toyed with the ring (That was, contrary to almost every single creature she has come across, Glass) on her talon. Something hot did sound awfully nice.

"And him, mistress?"

Solemn glanced down at her would-be assailant, how peaceful and childlike the stallion seemed, snoring in his filthy jacket, on the filthy ground. Covered in filth. How fitting. She sighed a light sigh.

"RAWK!"

And really wished that somebody would do something about that bird. "But a warm drink sounds grand. After you, Madame." She smiled out of politeness, motioning for the rich mare to lead the way. She smoothed her coat and turned to address White Woods. "I thank you, Ms.Woods. For saving me." the griffin quickly bowed her head and turned to follow the aristocrat, glancing back at the cockatiel.

A pair of cat-like eyes watched the griffin carefully.

"Adzooks... almost got herself expended. Beef-headed bird."